By Jamie Douglas
Australia for expats
Australia has been the dream destination for people all over
the world, representing something that the United States once was: the land of freedom,
wide-open spaces and unlimited opportunity.
Well, things have changed a bit since the 1950s and 60s,
when Australia had still adhered strictly to a “White Australia” policy. That
racist policy was officially established when Australia became a federation in
1901 and pretty much favored Anglo-Saxons, making migration to the continent very
difficult even for Italian, Greek and Slavic people. Apparently, they failed to
take into account the tragic fact that the British stole the entire continent
from the Aborigines who had made it their home for at least 60,000 years.
After the federation was formed, one of the first acts was
to pass the “Immigration
Restriction Act.” It was not until 1975 that the laws were changed to allow
for a multicultural nation to prosper.
Little did the Aussies realize that this multiculturalism
would bring in masses of people from the Orient, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Vietnam
and more. The new arrivals, for the most part, did not want to assimilate, with
the immigrants from Pakistan, in particular, keeping to the tradition of
oppressing their women. Not very may new arrivals adopted the Anglican Church
as their house of worship, instead, building mosques and living in Islamic
enclaves, rejecting the cherished Australian
way of life, which includes mass consumption of beer (not Fosters, which is
scorned), a healthy amount of hard liquor and all assorted hard drugs.
Gaining residency on the isolated continent has become a
process of insanely bureaucratic hoops you have to jump through. And you better
have a job waiting for you and register with the police, telling them where you
live, who lives with you, all of your personal data (numbers) where you work,
etc...
And as part of their social program, they have an inordinate
amount of police, who can come to your house anytime they want. All major areas
are completely under live video surveillance – sort of like in the USA, but
not as intrusive as in the UK.
If you are a retiree, they definitely don’t want you because
you may become a burden as you age, even if you have a decent stash of
retirement funds.
What they are looking for are young and strong bodies – male
and female – to work in and around the remote mines in the outback (lesbians
and gays gladly accepted): miners, mechanics, heavy machinery operators, truck
drivers, cooks, etc. McDonald’s pays $35 per hour, and regular miners and truck
drivers make $85 per hour, with generous raises, if they sign up for a second
year. They have regular breaks about every two weeks, when they are flown to
Perth or Melbourne, where they just drink and drink and drink and, of course,
chase every skirt. The best way to get one of those jobs is to go to the mine
of your choice and apply. If you have a pulse, you are hired. Then, the mining
company will use their inside track to get you legal residency almost
immediately.
Australia for
visitors
Australia is a drinking nation with a work problem. Almost
the entire population lives within 50 miles of an ocean – the Pacific, Indian and Great
Southern –
or the Coral Sea in the north.
The southeastern part of the continent is home to Sydney and
its suburbs, but not far away are the Blue Mountains and the quaint, small city
of Katoomba, where
those expensive cockatoos fly freely and take pleasure in waking you at dawn.
And not far from there are the Jenolan
Caves . You can drive there. Or better yet, take a train from Sydney’s
Central Station.
Australia is blessed with two transcontinental railroads: The Indian
Pacific connects Sydney with Perth, with a few-hour layover in Adelaide.
The entire trip takes four days and three nights. Then there is the Ghan, which
goes from Adelaide to Darwin – the southern coast to the Northern
Territory. Leaving Adelaide either way, heading north on the Ghan or west to
Perth, you will get to experience the desolation of the outback, also referred
to in places as the Nullarbor, or “no
trees.” The nearest town from Cook to the mining town of Kalgoorlie is 775 km.
The train stops in Cook for a couple of hours – but beware. They have
recorded temperatures of 140 degrees Fahrenheit regularly. But this humongous
woman who is famous all across Australia for her obesity sells candy, snacks
and cold drinks to the passengers on the train, which stops by four times a
week. She apparently makes enough to sustain herself.
If you go to Australia, even as a tourist, go to the Sydney
Hostel by the central train station and get yourself a Hostelling International
Card, and your train ride will be half-price. My recommendation is to leave
Sydney and get off in Adelaide, spend a few days in this splendid city, and
then take the Ghan round-trip to Darwin. Now, I know it’s costly, but remember:
You are just spending your kids’ inheritance. After returning to Adelaide, be
sure to visit the Central Market, and after perusing the wonders there, exit
out the back of the building, where you will find the best Italian restaurant I
have found so far – sidewalk seating, weather permitting.
Perhaps the most touristy place in all of Oz is the Gold
Coast, which stretches north of Sydney. It’s overbuilt and overcrowded – much
worse than Miami Beach or Uruguay’s famous Punta del Este. But if you want to
go to the amazing Great Barrier Reef, you have to go there.
Farther north, you start running into the dreaded man-eating
crocs. They are very aggressive, and they love pets and children.
So yeah, Australia is a lovely place, kind of over-policed
but no more than England, Switzerland or Singapore. It is very expensive to
visit and you should be prepared to spend many thousands of US dollars to
really explore the place – much of which will be spent on transportation
between widespread locations. But it is a great country, with huge areas to discover.
Just beware of navigating the outback – it
has taken many an adventurer! Hire a guide, but ask around first if he has ever
lost anyone.
Jamie Douglas
At large in the universe
[Photo by Jamie Douglas]
[Photo by Jamie Douglas]
I encourage you to write me at cruzansailor [at] gmail [dot] com with
any questions or suggestions you may have. Disclaimer: I am not in any
travel-related business. My advice is based on my own experiences and is free
of charge (Donations welcome). It is always my pleasure to act as a beneficial
counselor to those who are seekers of the next adventure.
